dog project

I am feeling like a bad dog mom.

I had a schnauzer lined up... she was a rescue dog...her pictures were less than lovely and her bio told me she was older than I cared for, was used to sleeping on the bed, allergic to corn, and barked at cats. All things that left me feeling a bit uneasy, but I told myself to just say yes to this dog.

The day before I got her, I got a call that told me she had been scratched up, presumably by the German Shepard's she'd been rooming with in the month since her owner passed away and that they had to muzzle her to clip her. I was told how to handle her so as to not get bit, and asked if I still wanted her, this traumatized dog. Still ignoring little warning lights, I said said yes.

Yesterday I picked her up. Today I sent her back. I realized pretty quick that this was not the dog for me.

A few weeks ago, while hiking one of the in-town trails I met two little dogs, one a tiny schnauzer-type, the other a little black mop, tumbling along joyfully at the ends of their leashes. They nearly fell over themselves wanting a pat, a little ear scratch, attention of any kind. Oooo, I wanted a happy little bundle of love just like that.

I had asked for an even tempered dog, easy-going, friendly. I asked for a dog with no medical problems. I had asked for a dog that was younger. I should have said no, I know that now.

She came with pills... something I was not told before hand. She had a possible funky ear thing going on and needed to see a vet asap. She growled, she jumped, snarled and snapped at me this morning, and this afternoon she became very aggressive over a curious cat. And I think her injuries went beyond the scratches she had.

I'm not that kind of pet mom. I am not a person of infinite patience... or even a lot of patience... sometimes no patience at all. I know what I am capable of, dog relationship wise... and what I need are no complications. There were just too many complications when it was all said and done.

Still I feel a little "less-than" about the whole thing.

I think I would still like a dog, but I need to meet him/her first. I need to see if I feel a connection, a little bit of love beginning to develop.

Last night I hardly slept at all. Today I stressed about this dog all day, nearly dreading coming home, even after I had called the rescue lady and told her it wasn't going to work. And although I felt like I needed to apologize and/or justify when they came to get her, I felt immense relief the minute she was gone.

How do you do this? How do you find the dog you are supposed to have? My last one just jumped into the back seat of my car and grinned from ear to ear, determined to have me.

Can you have that kind of good luck twice?