I never did like roller coasters

In the last week, my emotions have been riding a roller coaster.
My relationship is a goner, my friends don't show up when I need and expect them, I get a ticket for running a red light which will cost me dearly, and I fail to read all the instructions for the Rock and Roll Marathon, where I have registered for the 1/2 marathon run.

Yesterday I realized I had failed to pick up my race number bib at the downtown Expo. I have done runs and rides before and you just picked up your packet at the race. So I set myself on automatic pilot (same thing that got me the red light ticket). Read what I wanted to read in the race info. What it really said is race numbers will not be available the day of the race. That you will not be allowed to get on the shuttle bus without a race number. All the wording was very definite. I wasn't going to be allowed to race.

I was devastated. Near tears I called and told my marathon buddy I might not be with her on the day of the race. I felt like an idiot. I felt this self-loathing which helps no one... but I felt it anyway. I told my friend I was going to show up at the race anyway and just see... I had my registration confirmation. It had my race number on it.

I didn't sleep last night. Self-recrimination, deciding to just go see what happens, deciding to just sleep in and avoid the embarrassment of being turned away. Anyway, when my alarm rang and I sat up with probably less than three hours of sleep under my belt, I decided to just go down there and tell the truth. I had dropped the ball. And if they said, too bad, so sad, I would just go back home and to bed. I told myself either outcome would be okay.

On the drive down my stomach felt like it was going to lurch right out the door. When I got out of the car and headed for the line getting on the shuttle bus I felt this feeling of dread. Once I got to the bus, I spotted a person with an official looking t-shirt on and briefly explained my dilemma, she called another woman in for advice and when this woman saw that I had my confirmation and did not care if I had a timed race, she said, "Just go run." And I climbed on the bus. My stomach immediately settled down.

When the bus dropped us at the start I wandered around grabbing a bottle of water, a half a bagel, trying to figure out where the corral 27 would be. Then I noticed a booth labeled "Information". I stopped and explained that I did not have a race number bib, but I did have my confirmation and a photo ID with me. She told me to go to the next booth labeled "Solutions". At Solutions they checked my paper and identification and gave me my race bib, sent me to the next line where I got my chip which would document my time. My stomach and the little tightness between my shoulders eased back a bit more.

About a half hour later I found Celeste and we started the half marathon together, walking the whole way. My time for the race was 3:18:25, I averaged a 15.9 minute mile. I have a purple toe... really a bit frightening looking and sore hips and legs... but I did it. It was great. I felt great. I might even want to do it again after my toe looks normal again.

All that upset for nothing... when I know that nearly all upset is for nothing.

In fact, I feel like this race is a new beginning for me. Celeste and I talked about this as we walked... she too, had been in a slump. She told me she was going to begin to train for a small triathlon, I told her I was going to begin to work out with a trainer. We both at least have a next small step plan.

Roller coaster, I am getting off for a while.