we need to talk

Years ago, on my Mom and Dad's bookshelf, sat a book titled Friends and Lovers. It had been my Aunt Jane's book, which meant when I read it in high school it was already thirty years old... written sometime in the early 30's.

Friends and lovers... those things we seek, but only occassionally find. Making genuine connections feels like the single most challenging thing in the world to me... and the single most important.

On Friday, I spent the evening with a friend where we listened and talked, and talked and listened... trying to make sense, find clarity, see a path. We talked about jobs, dreams, the relationships we found ourselves in and the relationships we see slipping away.

I thought of a conversation I had with another friend a couple of years ago. He told me of a couple who opened a yoga studio that turned to him when their business began to flounder. He said he had asked them to develop a business plan, and was surprised when they resisted. They did not believe that living their passion required a business plan. Pat told me that this was one of the biggest stumbling blocks for a new business... I think it is a stumbling block in relationships, too.

Friday, I told K. this story and told her that one of the best parts of my long-gone marriage was that we were partners... certainly in business, but also in the way we approached our marriage. I had a real sense of where we could go, of what the possibilities were. The fact that the marriage failed had nothing to do with that initial agreement, and I find myself, twenty-five years later grieving what might have been had the glue not gone.

We need to talk... don't you just hate those words? I do. I hear those words coming from my mom, or worse, my dad... or Lori, my boss... and I just cringe! We-need-to-talk means that I am somehow in trouble, that I might be scolded, and that I will be clearly at a disadvantage in the discussion, yet I have said to people I am trying to build a relationship with that we need to talk... and we do need to talk. So how do we get to those essential conversations in a non-confrontational way? How can we talk in a way that gives both parties equal power?

I think we need a business plan... or at least an order-of-business plan and here is my suggestion pulled in part from the Small Business Administration's web site.

I. Introduction
A. Definition of who we are now
B. Objectives
C. Mission statement
D. Keys to sucess - or how we messure success

II. Ownership
A. History
B. Strategy and Implementation

III. Management plan
A. Personal plan

IV. Financial plan

I don't know if this will work. I don't even know if it should work... but this I do know, I would benefit from entering a conversation with some of these guidelines and maybe someone else would too.