time-clutter

When I was taking my coursework for a certificate in spiritual direction whole classes were devoted to the issue of busy-ness... it for me is like time-clutter... and I have been feeling it for several weeks now.

My days begin early, 4:15, when I get up and go walk. After that I meditate for a half an hour, then I get ready to go to work. Shower, eat, make my lunch, pack my bag, brush my teeth. Believe me, the time is finely tuned and the least little thing can throw my morning routine off and I am late getting out the door.

I leave the house at 7 a.m. and by 7:45 I am walking into my classroom... from there the day becomes a blur as I move from class to class, issue to issue, duty to duty. I am not complaining. I mostly like what I do, I often find it interesting and I think I am good at it. But in the last few years I have become pretty clear on one thing. It is not my life.

I am getting home by 5:30 most days... an improvement over last year by about an hour... but because I carpool, I often don't feel I leave my job until I walk into my house and close the door. And once home, I find myself moving from one task to the next until about 7:30 p.m. when I finally feel I can sit and find a path back to centeredness.

The weekends fill up too, mostly with good things, stuff I want to do... but filled none the less.

Here is the thing. My best time to work is from 7 in the morning to about 3 in the afternoon. Before that I need time to move and time to meditate, after that I need time to move and meditate. So all this creative energy is being used in the classroom which is not my life.

The other day, another teacher came into my room. I have known for a while that art is important to her. She told me the same thing I have just told you. She sees it out there, she longs for it, but she cannot see how to push open a space between job and family and obligations.

Today is the beginning of a two week break (I know, great time off) and I see the possibility of a couple of days spent in my little room/studio... I need to schedule that time now. I need to write it on my calendar. Barb's Day. Otherwise the time will slip.

Spaciousness. Spaciousness comes not by holding your finger in the dike or locking out the monster at the door. Spaciousness comes from opening up everything and letting all the clutter wash around and past you.

hmmm.