There is something so
majestic, so powerful, so promising about a thunderhead building on a hot humid summer day. We watch them dance around the outskirts of the valley, hugging the mountains, and hope that one of them will bless us with a little relief.
I think we are like this. Oh, maybe not as large, and for most of us not as beautiful. But we all hold this potential energy, and we dance around the edges, clinging to the sides, afraid to give up what we hold.
Yesterday I painted my bedroom (I love Home Depot "oops!" paint!) and while I painted I listened to four hours of
Carolyn Myss on
CD's. While I have read-at some of
Myss' books I had never heard her speak. Wow, she is one tough lady.
The CD session had started with Wayne Dyer and transitioned into
Myss. I was at first jarred by the difference in delivery. Dyer is all love and intention and corny stories and then comes Carolyn who delivers her message with the confidence of a Catholic school nun. I'm telling you, after I got over feeling uncomfortable I stood up straight and listened.
She would say, You want the future all spelled out for you... and I would answer her, yes, I do... she said, you want it to be easy... yes, I answered... you want there to be guarantees, you betcha, was the reply...in fact I had an ongoing dialogue with every CD she did. She said trinkets and crystals and OM meditations would never work. She said setting intentions, if the intentions were about what "I" want, like money, a soul mate(she really blasted this idea), a big house were worthless. And then she asked when were we going to say yes to what God wanted. Go ahead she said, say yes.
Then she said the most amazing thing... she said we knew. We knew what God wanted for our health, for our happiness and most of us were too lazy,
uncommitted, or just plain scared to go after it. And by knowing what God wants for us(remember health, happiness, keys to the kingdom)she meant that we know what God wants us to do today, because we know what is good for us if we are paying attention at all. Like we know if we need to lose ten pounds, or if we need training for that job we'd like, or if the power bill is too high... and nearly all of us know what to do about these things. Eat less, exercise more. Take a class. Turn off a light.
She talked about becoming a medical intuitive and the years she spent studying, working hard to become this thing that God wanted. She was intuitive, but she needed to study for a long, long time in order to do her job. She said she can't find lost kids. She's tried. The point was, though, that even though she was following a call, it was not a switch that was flipped and like magic she was a full fledged medical intuitive with book deals and a lecture tour. She said saying yes was not a free ride.
So today, I met my friend
Kel for coffee and was telling her about the
Myss CD's. I told her all the things I have just told you. Then the topic shifted to relationships, and the coming school year, and hopes and dreams, and I said I had been having a lot of issues with leg and foot pain and one of the things I thought I needed to do was place myself on a yeast free diet, but I just could not do the two week, detox your body part.
And then I stopped. I laughed and said, See! That's it! This is exactly what she was saying. I know for some reason what I should do and I am already saying it is too hard. I am not saying yes to something pretty darned simple that I feel will improve my health and happiness.
You know, when we say things like 'following God' or doing what God wants... I think we envision this voice from burning bush kind of revelation, when what God or the Universe wants for us are mostly things we already know about. Simple things. And if I do the two week detox (= no sugar of any kind for two weeks) and do feel better, what might happen then?
And even as I tell you this, I hesitate... I hear myself whine, but I like fruit in the morning...
How to you place yourself in a posture where yes is the only answer? How to you let down your guard, let go of your ego, walk out the door and just trust that this is the way. How do you muster the courage to do what it takes, even if what it takes is only a one day at a time thing. How do you get over your spoiled laziness of always, always wanting it your way?
Don't know... but the clouds are building... I can either begin to harness the power or I can crash
against the mountains. The choice is mine.
First, the business venture... my friend Kel came for water aerobics, followed by dinner and wine at my place on Friday... as we sat and re-hashed out hopes and dreams she ran her hands over my dining room table (has a moon and trippin' chickens on it) and said, I love this table... and I said, Wait a minute!... ran down the hall and brought out the old bathroom scale I painted last week.... and she loved it too... in fact she said, We can sell these... she said she likes to market (I hate to market)... I can be the creator and she can be the sales guru... anyway we are going to go for it... first of all one-of's... then, if we get some wind under out wings, maybe a bit more... fun, huh?
Yesterday my great friend and contractor V. came over and we pulled out the cabinet I have always hated in the dining room and the cabinets above the stove... even though the place looks a wreck, I love the openness that has been created. Going to paint the walls the palest glass blue to match the glass tiled wall....
Here is V. today... masking and texturizing because this area is going to be much more open.... we found a hood on line at Fabyka ... V. was very impressed with the quality and price... I have ordered it and within the week should have it for installation.
