fifty-nine

I'm fifty-nine... for two more days. All this year I've been saying, "I'm almost sixty." I have leaned toward the year ahead rather than claim this year, this time... but the last week or so I have been telling myself quietly that I am fifty-nine and I have been trying to figure out what this past decade has been about.

When I turned fifty... or maybe forty-nine... I told myself I was going to pledge to live my life like an adventure... and to a great extent I have, going to Alaska to raft the wild rivers, kayaking & river rafting in Costa Rica, climbing the mountains of Idaho, going to Glacier National Park, traveling to France, Switzerland and Italy. It's been good, and while adventure needs to always be part of my life, I think this next decade will be about something different. Joy maybe? Beauty? Love?

I don't quite have a word for it yet... my fried kel says, Enlightenment... 60 is the age of enlightenment...but that word is too vague for me.

Mostly, though I want to live my life head on and fully. I want to accept all the joy and happiness that comes my way, to cherish it, but hold it lightly. I want to work with beautiful colors and textures and play with them, experiment, and just experience the feeling of discovery that art is for me. I want to build relationships, to be open to the richness, the variety that life will offer me... I want to love people as they are, not so much as I would like them to be. I'd like to completely like to give up control in that department and just quit trying to mold folks into my image of perfection.

I want to allow myself to just be me... I will make a sign that says Happy Ending Art Studio and hang it somewhere where I can see it every day to remind myself that it already exists. I will enjoy and cherish my family but not lose myself in their lives. I will figure this out. I will definitely learn to take better pictures of myself....

Two more days. But until then, I will live this adventure.


Here are a couple pictures of the boys. W has a first class shiner and a new buzz cut. Pizza is just his normal 3 yr old self...