want

there is this picture I saw once, of a room with a window, and the window looked out to a late fall meadow and the woods beyond. Inside the room was a table, and on the table were art supplies...
today I have been back in that picture, feeling the room, getting familiar with it again. I have been thinking about what I want and realise I want what I have always wanted.

I am in that room, and the smell of pigment and wax and oil scent the air... there is a cat over there, sleeping in an old chair placed in the sun, just for her... and in another room I hear the sound of someone who loves me, making tea, talking to the dog... it will be cold tonight and there is a chance of snow. I have finished here for the day and wander down the hall, grab a wool sweater and the leash off a hook and the dog meets me by the door. walk. walk down the road to a path that leads out between two fields. mountains purple and pink in the distance catch the last glow of the sun. I am happy, the dog too, he is now off the leash finding all that is new since his last visit.

I remember one night at 10 pm, the kids were down. It had snowed hard all day and the wind had blown the snow into sculptures where it rounded the house toward the garage. the storm was past, the stars were out and I needed to dig out the drive. It was not cold. The only sound was the scrape of my shovel and the woosh of the dry snow falling toward leeward side of the drive. Pristine and peaceful. I would like to do that one more time.

I have been thinking making a vision board - something that always seemed silly to me - but now I sense I am ready.

for years it has been art and a studio, a partnership, good travel, mountains, creating and sharing sacred space, and silence.

On my wall is a post-it that says, "we all spend so much time not saying what we want... because we know we can't have it. Go on. Say what you want."