what I have been thinking about

Retirees:
Christine volunteered in the school library yesterday. Gosh, she looked good! She retired from the classroom two years ago, and I remember that she looked like me... hair needing a color touch-up, bags under her eyes, comfortable clothes, sensible shoes... your basic tired, frumpy, stressed teacher look.

Yesterday her face looked lovely, her hair was great, she looked serene... she looked as good as every other retired teacher friend I have. I used to tell people I needed to retire so I could weigh 10 pounds less and look five years younger, and after seeing her, I began to think it again. I like my job, I like the kids... I love tempera paint and construction paper ... but I want that face. She asked how I was, and I told her pretty good except for this cruddy cold,...she said she hadn't been sick in over a year.

Saving money:
Right after the first of the year, I noticed a 99cent store near me was having a 75% off sale... and who can pass up a bargain like that, right? I bought four pair of reading glasses for 25 cents each. Three of them have already broken. So I think that makes the one pair that is still holding itself together worth a dollar now.

But here is the thing, they are not cute... or fun... or even colorful... I have several readers. I think I might even have a small reader-glasses addiction. I have seen a pair of reader-glasses, 150 magnification that are a carmely brown on top and turquoise blue on the bottom. I love them. They are $17. So far I have looked and loved and passed them by. However, today I think I might really get those perky little glasses.

Being me:
I think that more than anything else I just want to be whomever I am right now... no frills, just me. Sometimes there seems so much pressure to be more. Pressure that comes more from within me than from the outside. I think I get scared that life has passed me by.

Lately I have kind of pushed back from the table, so to speak. I have allowed a kind of distance grow between me and the rest of the world. It is my hope I think, that in this self-imposed cacoon I will somehow be reborn... or maybe freed... to become more like a butterfly and less like a caterpillar.

I haven't flown in a very long time.