comfort zone

Today in church, the minister was talking about what we remember, culturally. She said some folks don't really know who the Beatles were, lots of people can't tell you anymore where they were the day John Kennedy was shot, and almost no one knows the words to "Hey Paul, Hey Paula". And while she was talking, my mind did a little walk-about and I began thinking about comfort zones.

I think I have lost mine.

A couple years ago a woman I know, who had been recently and rather bitterly divorced, told me she was looking for a man her age, her faith, who was looking for his soul mate... while I told her gently, that I would keep my eyes open...I scoffed at her naivete. I wanted to tell her to get that silly notion out of her head. I recall I thought about the potential "soul mates" I had met in my 20+ years of divorced single life, and that the more "soul mate" like they seemed, the more disappointed I was when things fell apart. I remember thinking life was better, less disappointing, if you let the criteria be a bit looser... if you were willing to compromise a bit and accept a lesser mate.

My youngest daughter has this rather detailed description of the kind of female friends she would like to have. It will be tough finding the right person who will fit. She is a young stay-at-home-mom. She is looking for another young stay-at-home-mom who likes what she likes. It seems so little to ask, and yet meaningful connection has got to be the single hardest thing to find.

The divorced woman, my daughter, only want to find their comfort zone. They only want to find shelter in shared experience. I was wrong thinking that a near fit was better than no fit. Like a cute pair of shoes that rub blisters into your feet, a connection that only partially works finally needs to be set aside. Sure we have friends, relationships, that only work in certain places. I once told a woman that I had one-hour friends, two-hour friends, day-long friends and entire weekend friends. I even have a two week vacation friend. They are great people. I value them completely and need them in my life. But today, and maybe even last week, as I longed for a class-reunion, I am longing for more. I want to find my comfort zone... that perfect place where I can settle in and say, "ahhh."

Right now, my only hope is that my comfort zone is searching for me, too.