disconnected

I am feeling very disconnected lately. Maybe this is how anyone would feel who only talks to children all day long. Or maybe this is how someone who is just floating feels. Not exactly in a vacuum... I have felt that way... Just like I am not a part of anything. Mostly this feels like a great big rest from all the self inflicted crisis of last year... but part of it is beginning to disturb me. Maybe.

Look, this year I like my job... or at least it is going smoother, than ever. The little kids, the big kids, the big kid's attitudes... all manageable really. But then my principal pops in to see me. Honestly, I think it was a friendly visit but dang, she gets me riled up. All this stuff about narrative report cards. Jeez, Lori, I see so many kids in such fast succession I don't even know every one's name let alone how and why they have or have not met the standards. Deep breath.

So, I do fine during the day, mostly. And when I get home I high tail it to water aerobics. I think I am addicted to water aerobics. I joined in part to meet people, and I have... but that is about all. I see them, say "hi"... bounce around in the water, chat a moment or two while toweling off and then we all head to our respective homes. So far no real camaraderie happening there.

I am planning on joining a hiking club. I need to get out of town and that is a good way to do it. I even have the club selected. They begin in September, when the weather becomes more tolerable.

But all of this still feels like filling in the blanks... like stuffing, but not substance...

How do you find substance? How do you know what to do next? Hmmm... I am hoping the what to do next things just wanders by (SOON!) and taps me on the shoulder. One thing I know for certain, I am not going searching any time soon.

Reading Montana Sky by Nora Roberts... predictable romance novel format... maybe that is why I am a bit restless... all that sex and swashbuckling testosterone might be getting to me.